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Hi. Hope you're well rested and have finished your quarantine.

I stopped writing for the past week to take a step back, so that I could properly process my feelings towards the news of your return to HK, and how I would like to respond to it.

I also figured that there'd be no point writing excessive content if you were not reading anyway, for whatever reasons.

After days of reflection, I must admit that the main reason of my distress is because I had allowed myself in the past one month to unconsciously create an unfair expectation on you, that some significant changes would happen during your trip back home this time.

Therefore, I'd be lying to myself and you if I said that I don't feel disappointed at all.

Of course it's more of me to blame for making such kind of assumptions when I hve zero clue about your situation in the past two months.

But one thing I've learnt in the past few days is that despite how strongly I prefer not to communicate my most honest feelings because I am often scared to be judged, it's still my responsibility to express myself clear enough and to not people to already know what I think before I speak.

I am desperate for you.

You are my biggest desire in this world.

I desire to express my love for you, and I desire to be loved by you.

I still want to live a life together with you.

I want to see you laugh, see you cry, see you get mad, see you throw a tantrum.

I don't need the best version of you.

I want to give you 3000. And I want the same from you.

I just want to be with you, anywhere in this world, as long as you are there.

I might have sounded a bit angry and pressuring because I want to let you know how strong and certain I feel, persistently, about you.

The sad reality for me is that, I already know nothing is gonna be different tomorrow as I wake up, despite how hard I try to make myself heard without causing actual disruption to your life.

Let's hope that I'll be out of my cynical cave one day, shall we?