For Good 🤍
Updated: 23 hours ago
hello my dear, how are you?
This post is gonna be slightly different from the usual posts here where I share about updates of my everyday life with you. I guess you might also have noticed, that I’ve been writing less often as I used to, and perhaps also not as “deep” as I would in the past. The truth is, I’ve been taking time to wrestle with how I’m going to manage this blog as both Chung and I each prepare ourselves for starting on a relationship.
I enjoy writing to you here so much to share about my life, my big and small updates and stories with photos. But lately, I’m also finding myself struggling to pour out my heart to share openly and deeply with you here. That is when I realised, despite there’s a side of me that really wants to continue writing to you here, it’s not emotionally possible for me to do so if I also want to be fully committed and devoted to beginning a relationship with Chung.
I want you to know that I love you so much, my dear Andy. I hope by now you’re fully convinced by it and feel the depth of it after 4 years of my writing to you every other day if not everyday. And I want you to remember that I will ALWAYS love you. Just because I stop writing doesn’t mean that I no longer care about you anymore. There will always be a place in my heart where I preciously store everything unique about you and keep it within me for the rest of my life. And you will always hold that special place in my heart (remember how Edison was 9 out of 10, but you are 100+ out of 10).
And I also want you to know that these days whenever I think of you, I think of how special you are, a person who’s brought so much delight, comfort, support, and love to me. Of course there were tears and wounds as well, but ultimately, all of them, the good and bad, has brought so much healing and growth in me. And because of that, I’m forever thankful to have met you, and more importantly, to have gone through all of those wonderful and painful moments that made me exactly who I am today.
I also want to say thank you to you, for being with me through my ups and downs for past 4 years. So many times when I was in heavy tears or swamped by loneliness, writing here was where I went immediately to release my thoughts and heavy emotions, and I’m sure they weren’t all easy to read. But now, as I decided to make a try of beginning a new chapter with a new relationship, I figured that it would no longer be suitable for me to share in such depth in this blog with you emotionally.
I wanted to ask you not to worry about me, though knowing you, I’m sure you’d wonder how I’m doing at some point :), but remember that Hannah has grown a lot since you last met her, and I’m sure I will continue to grow under God’s loving care and guidance, so don’t worry about me. Chung might not appear as a great perfect man based on social standards. He’s not scoring 101+ out of 10 either. But I genuinely believe that he is someone that God has put in my life at this particular season. And I want to give him (and God) a chance and see how far God is going to take the two of us to, and the great things He’s gonna do by bringing the two of us together.
Lastly, I also want to make it really clear to you that even though I might be starting a new relationship and stop writing here, please do not hesitate to reach out to me through other channels like Instagram, WhatsApp, or even a call, if you ever want to. I said before that I will always be there for you, and that still holds true, because you will forever be my best friend (in my eyes), my favourite person. And I’d be more than happy to connect with you again in two sided communications, just whenever you are ready even if it’s just for saying a hi.
Love you, Andy. Know that I’ll always support you, and because of that I decided to keep this blog running, so that you can always come back to here if you ever need to. And remember even though there might not be updates here, I’m only a call (or an Instagram follow) away, and I genuinely hope that we’ll meet again one day
Lastly, here is a song just in case I am not communicating my feelings for you through text. I didn’t realise how much this song captures how I feel about us until I actually sang it. It took me weeks to finally sing it out without tearing up.
Thank you for always believing in me, Andy. I will continue to miss you. And when I do, I’ll remember you in my prayers 🤍
By Hannah ❤️‍🩹
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