UK 🦵🏻

Hi dear, I hope you've been making progress in life.

I am back in the UK now, trying to digest and process as I am in a 'safer' space to let things out. I sometimes wonder if I've come to a point that I have to let Vincent or my boss know about my mental situation so that they are aware that I am not always capable of performing and showing up as I want to or am expected to. It does frustrate and make me even more sad when I think about my inability. Jenny has asked me several times if I am willing to seek professional help, but I don't have the courage to do so and also don't want my family to know about this.

Work is overwhelming and stressful. But among all the frustration, what struggles me the most is that I have to manage Vincent's expectations and work alone with no guidance or support from anyone else. My new boss is not really a boss. I also don't belong to any teams. I am literally an orphan who has to deal with problems that no one wants to / has the ability to deal with.

I isolated myself again from people. Haven't really opened up with anyone about what I've gone through for the past few weeks. No one's asking anyway (not even Jojo, Rubychu), which makes me think maybe I've been a bad friend that's why people want to stay away from me.

My only friend here who used to go to church with me told me that she decided to go to another church with her flatmate. But I prefer the church that I've been going. So I guess even my only friend here is not meeting me.

Sorry that I selfishly throw a lot of negative thoughts here. I feel lonely.

Thank you for being my treehole. I do miss you a lot but I also know you have your own life to sort out and I don't want to distract you from it especially when I am not helping anyway by spreading negativity here. But as I said before, I am always available if you want to talk or connect in any way. I don't want you to feel the loneliness I feel.

Saturday update: Weather's warmer here, I can wear shorts at home

Sunday update: Did some window shopping after church. A bit sad because I quite like this dress but I feel I have no occasion to wear it. Should I get this dress?