Tiny

Miss you, Andy dear.

I was nervous and scared since last night about today's presentation and I could only fall asleep at 3am. So when I woke up this morning on bed, I felt like I had to do some self talk first instead of stressing myself out to get up and do all the busy prep work.

I was anxious because I worried I will look nervous and end up sound lack of confidence when I speak. I also was worried what if I suddenly cough a lot when I talk. I felt stressed because I know if this presentation to Stanley doesn't go well, Vincent will be less happy about me.

I don't think I am an agreesive person who actively seeks opportunities but for some reason I feel these days I have been given more and more challenges that are beyond what I already know I can handle. And I know I am someone who will stretch myself to deliver when I know what is expected of me, that's why it is so easy for me to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.

But then I remembered one of the messages that I heard at church few weeks back. The person talked about how we often consciously and unconsciously chase for the approval of the others in life and at work. But he wanted to remind us that what's actually important for us as a Christian, is to remember that we are already fully approved by God and our identity is found in him other than in the world.

One thing I feel God is using my job to challenge and equip me with is, how I can take my resilience to the next level, that is not just within myself but to carry it to inspire and influence the people around me, despite all the frustrating obstacles.

So instead of fingercrossing that Stanley and Vincent would be happy with what I prepared today, I went into the meeting this afternoon with an attitude that, it doesn't matter who is in the room. I will still try to bring in the same resilient and refreshing energy that I always try to carry whenever I go around and speak to people.

When I think that this is one of my identities that God has put in me, it suddenly feels less important to me how professional my presentation seem or if I look smart enough in front of Stanley and Vincent.

I felt less nervous about how Stanley would think about me, less worried about if I would cough a lot, when I realized these challenge really isn't about my career achievements. And because of that, I feel easier to let go and leave all those uncontrollable factors to God and trust that he will take care of those things for me.

So in the end... I only realised when I walked in that not just Stanley but all the top management people were there. But guess what...it went really well :) Raunaq said it's a 9 out of 10 meeting, My UK boss said I did great, Vincent dropped me a whatsapp that we did a great job.

But more importantly, I felt good leaving the meeting because I overcome the fear. I was brave enough to bring in that same energy despite who was in that room.

I don't think I can take much credit for this, I am just humbly thankful for all the confidence that God feeds me whenever I am overwhelmed and doubted myself.

And this weekend, I am going to let myself relax and rest fully so that I can recover from the bronchitis :)

PS. My UK boss is super tall like 190cm, and he took this shot of me at his eye level with this duck in office when I told him everyone thinks I look like it. And look at me, I look tiiiny in his eyes, haha.

Miss you, loads.