Hello, I hope you're having more ups than downs recently. But even if you're not, I am with you.
I've been dragging to make a decision for my summer because it seems like my mental state is just equally unstable and bad no matter where I'm (UK or HK or somewhere else). But I have to make a call because my parents are making plans.
My dad is coming to the UK in end-June and he's planning to stay till September. Learning from the experience last year, I know that it won't do either of us good if we live together in this one-bedroom apartment. Especially with my condition and work, I don't think it will work. But I'd feel bad and worried if I ask my dad to find somewhere to stay for 3 months, so I decided to give in this apartment I live in now for him to stay.
Another factor is my work as well. It's just been really stressful to work with the Asia markets in the UK timezone. I wake up with 30 emails and have meetings at 8 or 9am every single day. Vincent seems to want me to visit more Asia markets as well, so I proposed to him to fly me back to Hong Kong first.
TLDR: I will have an exam on June 6, then my dad will come to the UK on June 26. I will help him settle first, then fly back to HK on June 29 night. My mom will join my dad in the UK in September, she's planning to do some house viewing in different area. I will fly to the UK on September 18 because I have to submit and present my final project at school.
That's all that I've figured out in life so far. But I actually simply can't see a future that makes me want to keep going. As you can tell, all these plans are based on what's best for the others (family and work) and what I have visibility to. Anyway, let's stop here before I get swamped with my suffocating thoughts about the future.
Another minor update — since I will be finishing all my classes and exam on June 6 (only the final project is left), I decided to 'reward' myself with a trip to Luxembourg over the weekend (June 17-19). I said it's a reward but it might not feel like one when the time comes depending on my mental state at that time I guess. So we'll see.
I don't know how you feel about my plan (or if that matters to you). I know I can't expect you to consider my plan in yours. All I can say is I am trying my best everyday to be a good girl, even though it always feels like it's not enough and I am not seen.
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