How are you? Miss you my very dear one.
My emotions have been (extra) unstable lately, I am not sure if there are any specific reasons.
Today I had a very touched moment when I had dinner. The dishes my mom made were nothing special, just salmon, and chicken wings with potatoes and carrots. But it reminds me that I used to also make these two dishes when I lived alone in the UK. Even though I tried to replicate the flavour of my mom's, the chicken wing dish just didn't taste the same. It was also such a hassle to make that dish for only myself.
So when I got home from office today, especially feeling very mentally tired, I suddenly feel very grateful that these food were already prepared for me and they taste the same as I remember and missed when I was in the UK, living alone and struggling a lot.
So when my mom asked me what I wanted to have for my birthday dinner on the 21st and they kept suggesting dining out at some western or Japanese restaurants, I didn't know what to say because I don't really think I have any desire for my birthday. In the end I told them I think I just want the usual home cooked food that we have every day: tomato fish soup, sweet & sour spare ribs, and lettuces.
I am thinking, perhaps I'd just want an ordinary birthday this year. 'Happy birthday' is such a common wishing as if it's implied that we NEED to be happy and celebrating our birthdays. But maybe it's also okay too even if you are just mentally not able to feel happy.
My reflection today is, life can feel really difficult, and those feelings are real and valid. You don't have to push them away. But if you allow, God will always lend you his lens to see the goodness he's put in your life, despite the circumstances and mental state you are in.
hugs.
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