I’ve been quite busy as I enter my last week in Meyer — wrapping up outstanding work, having 10+ sessions of handover with different people (extremely tiring because I have to keeeep talking nonstop zzz), and preparing for all the san sui beng gifts.
It’s stressing me out a little because I still don’t think I am mentally ready to deal with people in general. I think it’d be easier if I could just quietly walk out from everything so that I could avoid people’s care and those sad goodbye moments.
But I know that if I do so I am probably gonna regret in the future when I look back. One thing I’ve learnt over the years after facing different kinds of separations (sending my 22 years helper back home, countless goodbyes during my long distance relationship with Sree, when my grandpa passed away), is that sometimes all you need to do to face an unavoidable separation is make sure you say a proper enough goodbye to close that memorable chapter in life. So as much as I want to pull myself away from the world, I am still trying my best to give what I can.
One of the things I’ve always wanted to do is properly thank Jenny for everything. But it’s just too hard to get a right gift for her so I decided to get her children presents instead hahaha, with a notecard for her. I hope Eirian likes the car playground.
And then after researching for sooo long for san sui beng ideas, I finally ordered Scones and Caramel Pudding Castella Cake for everyone that will come in to the office. I picked these because they come in different flavours and are packed individually. Then I also prepared these gift packs for those who are not coming in. Especially for our own team, I wrote everyone a small notecard. (Yes, they all only get a super small notecard while you got a letter with 3 pages :) )
I wish I could do more for everyone, but sadly I just don’t have more mental capacity with everything going on internally within me.
Oh and yesterday, I finally went in to the office the first time after your last day. I was scared before going in, and turns out it’s indeed pretty sad for me but it’s not unbearable. Maybe because I am super busy with all kinds of meetings so I just didn’t have chance to look around and sigh. I am glad that after you left, I only have to go in yesterday and on my last day. I had fishball noodles for lunch alone because I know I’m gonna miss it. I also enjoyed the alone time so that I could have as much spicy oil as I wanted and not be judged hahaha
Then I went for dinner with Jenny and Edison after work. Originally Jojo is supposed to come too but she ditched us the night before…😅 It’s just very Jojo and honestly sometimes I feel nothing’s gonna make me even more sad so I didn’t feel or say anything about it. It was a good dinner. They really are my favourite people in Meyer (not counting you), and looking at them feels like being with my bigger brother and sister. I think I’m gonna miss them the most among everyone (again, not counting you).
I hope I can hold on to two more days till my last day on Friday, and things will go smoothly that I can emotionally manage more goodbyes. Sorry for writing so much about all these trivial things, probably because I just really miss whining about everything in front of you. I hope you are managing everything as well. If you are not, you can imagine that I give you a big hug and tell you ‘it’s okay’, then let you lie on my lap and stroke you for 20 minutes :)
P.S. I miss you so much that I brought your red checked shirt home from my chair yesterday 🙈
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