Crying hannah

hello dear, how are you? miss you 🥺

For me, I continue to be very emo for the last two days 🥺

Yesterday was a wfh day for me, and I went to my chinese doctor appointment as scheduled in the morning. When my doctor checked my pulse, he said you must have cried a lot lately. He explained he could tell because my body is very “weak” and it’s probably because of all the crying.

After the consultation, I had the therapy session for my body. Because my doctor knows I am scared of being pinched by needles, he usually tries to avoid having to use any during the session. But yesterday, he pinched me once on my left leg, it’s probably not really that painful, but I don’t know why it just felt sooo “pain” that I actually raised my voice and yelled “ahhh”. And I don’t really know how to explain, but it’s like the pin triggered my crying mechanism, and all of a sudden, I just really felt like crying.

As you know, I don’t like getting emotional in front of people, and I was relatively stable emotionally that morning so I really didn’t see my tears coming. I immediately covered my face with the towel and tried to hold my breath, but it was too late that my doctor already noticed 😅 He said to me it’s better if I cry it out. But I was quite embarrassed so I was tearing up and laughing for a bit at the same time.

Because I really didn’t want to get all emotional at the clinic and I was trying to hold my tears as hard as I could, when I got home, I just let myself cry it all out again. And I cried aaaaa lot, like a lot, used a lot of tissues. And I don’t even know why I was crying so much, which is the scary part.

I was actually nervous last night about today because I had a long day of meetings from 9:30am to 7:30pm today. I worried that I would suddenly want to cry again like I was at the clinic. But thankfully, I was quite steady the whole time at the office, I guess because I was quite alerted for all these meetings. But once I got home, had dinner and showered, and lied on my bed, I felt the need to cry immediately as I started to relax my mind and body. Then I just cried hard again just now, haha.

I guess like my doctor said, it is better that I cry them out instead of keeping them inside. I do feel “better” every time I cry. But I still hope that I can cry less, because still, crying does feel sad :(

Hugs, dear Andy. I miss having you next to me when I’m sad. Sometimes you just sit next to me quietly, but I already feel comforted by your company. 🥺🫂