Day 1 & 2 Guangzhou

hello dear, how are you?

I’m writing to you from Guangzhou, the second day of this 4 days 3 night work trip to China. We came here for the Canton trade show, and so far I’ve done 15K steps yesterday and 19K steps today. I’m super exhausted from all the walking we did, especially because I’m also having pms.

My pms is really hitting me hard this month. Yesterday night after I got back to my hotel room and showered, I don’t know why but my tears just bursted out as I got on my bed and I kept crying. I guess it was a good thing that I could cry it all out but it was still a miserable feeling.

What made it even worse is that lately since Chung came back from his trip, I feel like we’ve struggling to communicate and make each other feel comfortable or satisfied. I know that my pms probably affected my mood and mental state a lot that I feel like I’m even more sensitive and easily overwhelmed than I usually do. And it probably sounds a bit cruel, but lately I feel suffocated by his affection, and I don’t really know how to manage that. And then I stress out even more because I worry if I express myself that I need space, he would have hard feelings. And I also don’t know how I can really explain that to him that he will truly understand.

But I actually don’t blame him for anything that he does, because he is a lot more extroverted than me and doesn’t have experience with the mental struggles I go through. But I just really struggle to open up and I feel bad for making him feel bad whenever I show them I’m triggered. In fact, on tuesday, we met for dinner and I went to his home afterwards, and I started crying when we had to talk about some of the mild tensions we had over texts the day before.

I know I’m being emotionally unstable because of my pms, and I know I’ll probably feel better gradually as my period comes and when I get more rest and time to process after this trip. So for now, I’m just really trying to hold on to God’s grace for me in my weaknesses.

Hug, I’ll be back on Sunday. I hope the next two days will feel more manageable.

I brought one of my imaginary friend here, it’s a golden retriever