Today I cried several times. One of it was when I was sitting on the dining table after dinner. I just felt really tired.
I feel very tired of trying to cheer myself up and convincing myself to keep living.
Everyday from the second I wake up, I have to convince myself to do all these:
Leave my bed
Eat something
Cook something that I want to eat
Do the dishes and chores
Make some progress on my assignment
Go outside to get some fresh air
Watch some dama or something
Try to stop crying
Try to calm down
Try to stop overthinking
Try to sleep
It's just so tiring. And I am so frustrated because I am already barely doing anything, not even school, and I still can't get through it. Then I start to have those suicidal thoughts again that scare me. And I just don't know what to do.
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