It's been tough for me this week.
Maybe I should've shared with you earlier — Vincent recommended me to the UK Meyer team quite awhile back and they've offered me to be a part time freelance PM for the Disney project.
I thought it'd be good that I get bit more occupied (school's really been too manageable) and I can feel more financially secured. It'd also be a good exposure for me especially it's with Disney, so I just started this week, working roughly 2ish days a week.
But I probably overestimated myself that I am mentally stable enough to start something new but also old.
My new boss is the product director at MUK and he's not the warmest kind of guy. He also seems super busy and I work remotely at home so basically I never get a proper introduction or onboarding.
On my first day (Monday), he only replied me twice on Whatsapp, and that's it. He didn't even get my work email sorted, there also wasn't anyone that he introduced me to, so I was just all alone, at home, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do. All I could do was to reach out to Howe to see if he can give me an update. But because of the time difference, people at the HK office will be off work when I start working. There's no team, no Jenny for me.
And I just miss you very much.
I really need that moral support and I just no longer can find that.
I remember how I pretended to be working on my first day till 2pm, and I just couldn't go on. I bursted out crying at my desk for 1.5 hour.
Today's my second day and I was joining my boss to have some retailer meetings at the Disney office in London (MUK's office is at Liverpool so they travelled down). It was of course exciting to visit the Disney office. But meeting my boss for the first time plus a bunch of new people alone in a different culture as a newbie, it's just too much for someone who's mentally ill.
Getting up at 7 and dressed up at -4C, squeezing in the train and tube with my uncomfortable boots for more than an hour.
I wish someone could just look me in the eyes and tell me that 'You're doing great and you're gonna be fine.'
I tried telling myself that million times but every time I do that I just feel like crying.
Just as I left and was heading home, I couldn't control myself and started crying at the bus stop. I wanted to hide but all I could do was hug my bag.
I feel so lonely. No one will understand how difficult I feel doing all these alone. I really have already tried really really hard. Like really really hard.
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