I saw a Facebook post tonight by a pastor in my old church who played a motherly and mentoring role during my teenage. It reminded me of how I grew up.
I remember when I was a kid, I didn't like any other kids at church because I thought they were very 'childish'. I chose to isolate myself when my brother and I gathered with other kids at church. When I grew older, I was given a lot of duties to serve at church (violin, piano, singing, all sort of stuff). All the aunties and uncles thought I was the best child that every parents would want, but deep down I hated doing all of those. I cried secretly at night or at church, because I didn't want to do those things but I had to in order to keep my parents happy and proud.
That pastor was the only person who knew how I struggled as I grew up. She would discipline me when I 'rebelled', but at the same time she made me comforted. She was also the one who taught me to play chords and trained me to lead kids school.
I remember when I got baptised at 18, she wrote me something like this: She sees the blood and tears along my tough journey of growing up. But she also sees that despite that, I never stop trying to grow up.
It made me realise, perhaps I was never truly a happy person, no matter at what age. I have always been a sensitive and very shy person, it makes me feel a lot within myself and no one knows.
But God knows me so well, that's why He put certain people in my life at different stages. People who are able to truly see me and know that I am trying when I didn't even notice that I was already growing.
It was that pastor when I was at my teenage, and it was you when I was at Meyer. I remember you were there when I cried about work, and you were also there when I got my promotion. I also remember you telling me to never doubt myself.
I haven't had a night for I forgot how long that I went to bed crying but also feeling thankful that God put these people in my life.
Good night
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