Doctor appointment

hellooo dear, how are you? I miss you so much 🫂🥺🥺

Sorry that I have been quiet for the last two days, my period has started to come and it makes me very tired (as it always does), and it’s like I’m having brain fog that I just don’t want to do anything, so I just rest and try to get more sleep.

But I wanted to share with you that earlier today, I went to St Teresas Hospital for a doctor appointment. To give you some context, not sure if you still remember, back in 2022 on the last month when we were both still at Meyer, I had some continuous stomachache for quite a few days, and in the end I got admitted to the hospital from the office, where you accompanied me in an ambulance. They thought it was an Appendicitis, but it wasn’t and they didn’t actually find out what it was except diagnosing it as some “inflammation” on my right bottom abdominal when I got discharged. The doctor recommended that I do a gastroscopy after I was fully recovered. But as you know I went to the UK quite soon afterwards, so I didn’t really follow up on that.

That was quite a few years ago, but since then, I still have pain on that exact spot sometimes (like few times a month, depending on my digestion situation), along with some other stomach issues like diarrhoea and poor digestion etc, which is partly why I started to go to my chinese doctor. I feel like the chinese medicine does help control my complicated stomach issues, and gradually improving slowly, but my chinese doctor still recommended me a few times to do a gastroscopy, so finally after 4 years, I had this long overdue doctor appointment that my mom went with me.

After looking at my previous scan report and hearing my description, the doctor suspected that I have something called the Crohn’s disease. It’s a type of IBD, which is a chronic disease that is incurable and slightly complicated, but it’s not a fatal disease on its own. You can maybe google it if you’re interested. She said because it’s quite a rare condition and it’s not easy to diagnose, she referred me to a gastroenterologist who specialises in this condition. I did some research on this disease. I am not a doctor but the symptoms kinda match with those random recurring digestive system problems that I have been having for the last few years.

Maybe because I am on my period so I’m extra emo, but after hearing the hypothesis from the doctor, I have just been in a bit of shock for the rest of the day, even though I will still need to see the specialist and do the gastroscopy and some other tests for diagnosis. I guess it’s also because I have not heard of this disease before, and it is a chronic disease, so it means it will have to be monitored for the rest of my life if I really have it, it just kinda makes me think about it a bit more and my emotions triggered.

I think first of, having to step in a hospital for a doctor appointment was already a bit triggering, because it reminded me of the last time I went to a hospital, which was with you. I remember I was crying when I got on the ambulance and I really wasn’t expecting to be admitted to the hospital, and I also didn’t know what was going on with me. That was actually quite a traumatising experience that I have put in the back of my mind for a long time until today. And then I am also thinking that I’ll probably have to be admitted to the hospital for doing those series of tests. That also scares me for quite a bit.

I think because of all these thoughts and triggers, I was very overwhelmed and when I got home after the appointment earlier today, I had an emotional breakdown for the whole afternoon, just a lot of crying and thinking about things :(

But after some crying and practicing soothing myself, I am calmer and more stable now. Just really miss you and feel very exhausted from all the crying and my period :(

I will have my appointment with the gastroenterologist on monday morning. I’ll probably arrange to do those tests the week after, because we’re actually going on a family trip to Tokyo/Mount Fuji the coming thursday. I’ll keep you posted on what the doctor says. My mom will go to the doctor with me, hope you don’t worry about me, Hugs 🫂🥺