Hello, how are you doing today?
Yesterday I accompanied my parents to house viewing, but today I told them I am not joining so I actually got some alone time at home finally. Even though I actually have a lot to do, I decided to give my time a break by listening back to a monthly gathering run by the church I go to in HK. The gathering is specifically for young adults and the topic this time is about 'drifting away'. I was so deeply moved by it because that's exactly how I've been in the past few days since my parents were here.
The next day after I finished my course, they arrived back in Kingston and I immediately had to attend to them. I wanted to show them around, help them sort out any problems they have, but at the same time I have to mange my landlord, figure out the logistics of moving out, and also have to handle work.
And usually whenever there's too much happening and for me to cope with, I start to withdraw emotionally. I become a machine and try to avoid feelings towards whatever I engage with. And in the end it's like I only have the shell left even though I meant to do all those things with a heart and out of love. I don't like that numb feeling, and I know something is wrong when I couldn't cry for 2 days while things are supposed to be overwhelming for me.
The message that I listened to reminds us this: Don’t let the water currents toss you here and there. Don’t allow these things to let you drift away. Don’t let them define who you are and affect how you prioritize things in your life.
I realized that in the past few days as all the things come at me like the water currents, I thought I could cope with them all on my own by hardening myself and becoming a machine. And I forgot that it has actually always been when I am in my greatest vulnerability, when I stop lying to myself that 'I have it all together', I remember to find strength in God. And that's been the only thing that has pulled me through all the hardships and water currents I've had in the past one year.
I feel so sorry for my arrogance but at the same time I am thankful that God always finds a way to speak to my heart and remind me when I start getting lost again. I finally could cry after 2 days, and it felt sooo good hahahaha
How about you my dear Andy? I don't know how much life feels like water currents to you recently. But I hope you too are able to find time to take a pause in life and ask yourself if you've drifted away.
Love you and miss you 🤍
Photo of the roadtrip yesterday, I almost forgot roadtrip in the UK can be quite nice too when the sun is out :)
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