Frustrated

The past two days have been rather low for me. Also haven't been sleeping well because I can feel my strong and fast heart beat.

It makes me feel a bit worried that my depression symptoms have come back - trouble getting out of bed, the suffocating heart beat, dizziness, shutting myself from the world, not to mention the constant low mood.

Today I went out with an acquaintance I knew from uni in HK. This is the second time I met him. I didn't really enjoy the first time but as everyone advices me to 'make some friends', I said okay when he asked if I wanted to watch musical together. And I don't know if it's just me being sensitive, I felt extremely uncomfortable. He asked me twice if I wanted him to take photos for me when I saw the sunset. And he offered to accompany me back home, because I said I have to walk 10 mins from the station. But he lives like 1.5 hours from where I live and Kingston isn't even on his way home from central London. So I just rejected everything immediately and said I'll be fine. With a 🙄 inside me.

Here is how I look when I could finally get on my train. I was literally drained. He's friendly but I don't want to be treated as more than a friend. It makes me feel terrible for some reason.

And then I saw that your girlfriend posted a reels. It doesn't make me feel good. And it makes me wonder if you're having a good time travelling.

So I guess I am just frustrated and cynical. I feel that I don't belong to this world I don't wanna be with anybody.

And yes I toyed with the website when I was supposed to do my homework. Made me feel slightly better for that few hours.