You ask what I think about this since I am the more religious person. The very simple answer I have probably is, we don’t know. Because we never really ‘hear’ from God directly. But in fact this is one of the questions that I always ask whenever things come up in life. I think I can actually share quite a lot on this, but it’s just that sometimes I hesitate when you ask because I don’t really know how to share in a sensible way. For that I wrote another piece about what faith means to me, and perhaps that will make what I share below about this particular question more understandable.
Remember how I shared about the birthday wishes I make each year? Back in December last year, I think my life was just so satisfying that I’ve got everything I asked for: relationships that make me feel loved (with Neil, you, friends, and family), reward for my hard work in career, good health (less severe eczema) etc. I was so grateful that I was a little bit like…so what more should I wish for? That’s when I made one of the most dangerous wish one could make — I said to God that I think I’ve gained enough strength and it’s time for me to grow and experience life further.
And then things. happened. Things just happen like unstoppable and unpredictable waves in the wild ocean under bad weather. I think before I realised I have depression, I was still able to tell myself that God gives me all these drama so that I can grow to be ‘better’ and learn to submit my problems to Him and trust in Him. But then as I still don’t see any ‘good progress’ in my life, I started to question: Why am I still not getting what I desire when I always choose to do what’s right? Why am I going through depression when I try my best to stay strong? Why am I being forced to stay in the hospital when I thought the last thing I need is feeling even more lonely?
And then that Sunday when I felt so weak and dreaded myself to church, these words that the pastor quoted from the movie ‘Evan Almighty’ just got into my heart so deeply:
“If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”
I made a birthday wish to grow and experience life more this year, and the only way God can answer to my wish is to give me the opportunities to grow even stronger than how I already was. And maybe the only way for this to happen is to put me in situations that I’ve never been in before — push me far away enough from my comfort zone that I can’t cave back in, break my heart completely so that it can be rebuilt and healed fully.
This is the kind of ‘craziness’ that I always experience in my faith. Every time I am so close to losing my direction in life, God always finds some ways to answer to my struggles and keep me holding on even when I don’t want.
So is it a test from God? Being the more ‘religious’ one, here is my answer for my (our) shitty situation:
The God I know never promises that life will be good just because you are a believer or you have done enough good deeds. But He does promise that He will give us strength and provide us everything we need to get through what we are facing.
He has prepared a plan for everyone. And faith is about trusting that His plan is far greater than what we plan for ourselves, and learn to submit ourselves and let Him be the lead of our lives.
It’s not that He sets us up for failure. But sometimes when we resist what He has prepared and choose to use our own way to resolve our problems, WE set ourselves up for failure. God puts us at where we are at because He wants us to learn something from whatever we are facing, that is to prepare us for something even greater.
He is a God who loves us and wants to give us good things. Like really really good things that we sometimes are unable to visualise at this stage of life. And He’s not going to take you into that new season until He knows you’re ready. So it is important to we learn to actively eagerly accept what God allows to happen, let go of taking control and let Him prepare us through these opportunities.
If I am being very honest with you Andy, my faith has always been that God will guide you, heal your wounds, and empower you to figure things out.
I love you a lot a lot, and I believe that God does too even you’re not a believer. We make a lot of terrible mistakes in life. But love is always. always greater than our countless mistakes, and therefore we have every next seconds and chances to make the right choices and be free from the mistakes we’ve made before.
I look forward to one day when we can both look back and be super mega proud of ourselves for getting through our battles.
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