Hey...how has life been these days? This may read like a very polite greeting, but I actually genuinely want to hear from you very very much. I don't know about you but I do miss you very much.
I've tried for many days to write to you about what's going on with me lately. But for some reason, I just can't put them into words and they just turn into a lot of tears. I'm sorry about that. I think it's because there is simply too much emotion and questions within me. This feeling really sucks because even I really want to 'talk them out', I feel too overwhelmed to do so and I just can't find the right person to do so.
I have been throwing all these questions and thoughts to God. And my biggest problem is that I just don't understand. I don't understand what's going on. I have a lot of why in my head.
Weirdly, despite how bitter and painful it is within me, when I had my 'retreat' and had all these conversations with him in Luxembourg this weekend, I felt particularly strong about three things that I want to be able to do someday in life:
I want to bring comfort and healing to people through words and music.
I want to nurture more children with love and walk with them as they grow.
I want to show compassion to those who also feel disappointed by the world and let them know they are not feeling this alone.
You may be thinking that I am being silly, because the very bitter me thinks the same too. And I sometimes do get very annoyed by the side of Hannah who still wants to love and do good despite how disappointing and hurt I feel by the world.
I got to stop writing otherwise I won't stop crying. To make this ending less heavy, made these photos for you.
Andy, I don't know if this means anything to you, but I hope you know that you are very loved. No matter what 'shape' and mood you are in, I always believe that you have great potential and are a very loveable person.
PS I am coming back to HK next Friday (30/6) and I am very scared.
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