Courage

How are you, Andy?

For me, I am still feeling sad and angry about Edwin. It feels like I still can't process the emotions.

And today, I went to the office and had to work in the sample room alone for some stuff. It's not the 4/F sample room but a new one on 2/F, but it looks and feels very similar. It reminds me of you a lot, and makes me miss you even more today.

I've been lying on bed tonight because I am having some bad period cramps and feeling like crying a lot. I think I am carrying a lot of emotions today.

So I was reflecting and today's reading is about fear. When I ask myself what my recent fear is, it's probably the fear of disappointment and loneliness in this Christmas season. Like I shared before, it's something that I want to cry and run away from whenever I think of it.

The truth is, this is what I feel, and feelings won't go away simply because you ask them to go away.

But my reflection today is realizing that God's comfort for me is never that he will take away my fear (and my sadness and disappointment) in life, but that he offers to be with me in those feelings, and give me the courage to face them when they look like giants to me.

A lot of times we are told to live fearlessly or overcome our fear in life. But similar to a lot of negative emotions, the reality is there will always be something next that we fear about in life after you 'overcome' one.

So perhaps rather than convincing ourselves super hard on 'don't be scared or do not fear', the better way to look at fear is by finding the courage to face what we are scared of.

I don't know if you like reading my thoughts and reflections, but I like sharing and writing them down here for you. Miss you a lot today.