The birthday celebration

hello dear, how are you? miss you 🫂

Today is Edison’s birthday, and yesterday we did a celebration for him in the office. I was kinda the organiser because I was the one who booked the lunch place and also prepared a cake for him.

As I woke up in the morning yesterday, I was actually quite “nervous” for the day. I guess I was already overwhelmed emotionally because of all those overthinking thoughts I have been having about him and me. And then it makes me feel even more “stressed” having to organise his celebration. I guess people probably won’t understand and think it’s not a big deal. But I was just secretly nervous worrying what if he doesn’t like the cake or it doesn’t taste good? And with all those messy thoughts in my mind, I just didn’t know how I should behave when I’m with him for his birthday. Should I be extra nice to him because it’s his birthday? But will that trigger him to distant himself from me? or should I pretend to be cold and that I’m just doing all these as a colleague?

I know all these sounds silly and I was clearly overthinking. But also isn’t this just very me? Hannah is probably not Hannah if she doesn’t overthink. So I started to become emotional (again).

All these were happening after I woke up and before I got out of bed yesterday. That is also when I’d usually have my devotional time, so I had my Spotify playing some Christian music. And as I was half crying and half resting on my bed thinking about what I’m gonna do for that day, this song that I’ve never heard of came up on my Spotify from the smart shuffle. The lyrics is actually a dialogue with God, but it was so spot on describing how I’m feeling, so it really was as if God speaking up to me through the song.

It was a really comforting moment for me, because the lyrics was basically saying that God sees hard I’m trying to look for answers and do the right things. He listened to all my cry, and he just wants me to know that I don’t have to hold back falling into the mystery, because he’s got me.

So I understood that perhaps I don’t really need to try so hard. Perhaps all I have to do is hold on to being myself, and go with the flow, and eventually it will all be figured out.

So it turned out that it was such a busy day for work and also the celebration. It also was quite socially draining, but Edison and everyone else really liked the cake that I picked. I could also feel that he genuinely appreciated it, which to me is what matters most.

Here is the cake celebration :) The IF team is now left with just guys, I am so short standing next to them, haha. The cake is a carrot cake, he likes carrot cake.

Here is the lyrics of the song :’)