Made up my mind

Hello, I hope you are alright dear.

I gave myself a challenge today: to not cry for more than 5 minutes for 24 hours, because my eyes were looking more and more swollen this week (haha 🙈). I did achieve my goal, and I finally looked better enough to take these photos for you tonight.

Today my brother came to chat with me again. He had lunch with a common friend of his ex girlfriend yesterday. He asked this friend how she's been doing. And that friend said she is genuinely happy and actually hasn't thought much about my brother.

My brother said he used to always want to help her in life and make her feel better. But he started to realise that perhaps he isn't the right person to help her. Those internal problems that she has can only be solved by her own self, and she would only be able to do that and face those issues if they are no longer together. He said when he thinks of it this way, he understands that perhaps their separation is the last best thing that he can do for her.

I felt a lot when he said these to me. It makes me think of you. Miss you, Andy.

I also want to let you know I made up my mind to not visit Edwin or stay at Bristol when I am in the UK. I asked my cousin if I can stay at his house for that few days instead.

Just because I feel lonely and wounded, and I am desperate to feel loved and be healed, he was not and will never be the solution. I find it helpful to keep myself away from him when I think of it that way. I hope he never finds me again too.

I miss you. Trying hard not to cry too much in the next few days until my birthday is over because I will be asked to take photos.