The date

hello dear, how are you? miss you.

Sorry that I didn’t write here for the last two days. I was being stressed and nervous in the past few days leading to the “date” I had with that guy last night. And then after last night, I was just really tired, I also felt like I needed some space to process everything and I had to go into the office today, so I didn’t update here. In fact, I still haven’t really shared with anyone yet about how it went (I told Vienna my church friend and my chinese doctor that I was meeting the guy).

The truth is, I am actually still processing everything even though it’s been a day after we met, mainly because I am having some complicated mixed feelings about not just him, but the situation. I would probably say that it was a very special meet up last night, as in one that I haven’t experienced before.

Long story short, he is someone who has quite a lot of past relationship and behavioural stories before he experienced transformation as he became a true Christian few years ago. When I said behavioural and relationship past stories, I mean some really serious, heavy issues that happened because of reckless mistakes that he made. However, instead of hiding them or revealing them bit by bit, he decided those to be the first things that he shared as we settled at dinner. He said he is an open book and he’d rather I know about the worst part about him first, so that I could “walk away” earlier if I can’t accept that, which he also will totally understand.

If I am being completely honest, I struggled to not lose interest in him as he shared about how terrible his past is. But interestingly at the same time as he shared, I also could genuinely feel how he has truly put that past behind him and received the grace of God to live a different life now with a total different mindset.

As I mentioned earlier, I am still processing everything because it was such an intense night of hearing all those stories and getting to know him, and I have almost never done this kind of “intentional dating”. So far perhaps I would say I don’t find myself romantically attracted to him, but I am definitely very intrigued by him as a person, and I would definitely want to know more about him.

Another thing that makes me feel special about the conversation is the Spiritual aspect of it. He is a very serious Christian and as you know, I have never dated a Christian, let alone a serious one. So it feels like a very new and fresh experience for me as we chatted and exchanged our thoughts. However I do feel that even though we share the same faith and are both “serious” Christians, I am not sure if we will be able to develop a connection in which we share the same depth of Spirituality. I think this has more to do with his personality. He is a very extroverted, simple-minded person.

To honor how honest he was about his past, I did also share most part of my story with him after hearing his, but in a light way without getting into the details. I did tell him about you and my mental struggles. I told him that unlike him, I am a closed book and it takes time for me to feel comfortable to share more.

So overall, I feel it was a positive meet up because it was a genuine and transparent one even though it was very intense and I am still processing it. I also feel strongly that he is a special person that God has put in my life all of a sudden at this particular period of time even though I don’t know why yet. In fact, in the past week, there have been more than a few times that I came across timely reminders and words related to relationships. So I am sure that God has been part of this experience, and I feel quite at peace to just patiently see how God leads us in this relationship and see how far it will grow naturally as time goes. I am definitely not feeling any rush to develop anything.

I think after we exchanged our stories and current life status, we both know that we won’t ready in a short period of time to enter in a relationship. But he messaged me afterwards that he is definitely interested to meet me again and get to know me more. And I replied that we can hangout and know each other more.

Sorry that this sharing is quite long and probably not very organised, because I am also still processing and organising my thoughts. I hope to keep sharing more with you but at the same time I also feel it will take me some time to figure things out during this period.

Good night, dear Andy.

Below is a super silly outfit I wore to meet him, my shirt said “Sorry I’m busy being antisocial”, I thought it’d be funny to wear this on a “first date”.