Today was an unforgettable day.
It was not my intention to cause you to breakdown, Andy. I hate to see you sad, and I hate the fact that my uncontainable emotions remind you of your guilt. I know that breaking down and confession are usually painful experiences, that’s why you’ve been holding these edgy emotions within yourself all the time.
But I want you to know that I am glad that you chose to at least try your best to be honest with me. I really appreciate that you were willing to be vulnerable in front of me, so that I can feel and see the real you.
When you said that you felt you just hurt me the second time, I was a bit surprised because it didn’t exactly feel that way to me. I think deep down I already knew that you are not ready to reconsider your choice yet. I think at that point when I sent you that long message to urge you to think about it, it’s because I fell into the delusion that maybe if I gave you a little bit more pressure, you would be ready sooner. Once again, that was the only thing that the weak Hannah could do to make her feel better at that point.
I know you are not there yet. Even though there’s this strong desire inside me that wants you to be ready. That’s why my heart breaks when I have to face the cruel reality. But you did the right thing to tell me the truth that you are not ready and you didn’t feel it’s the time yet when I asked you that question. I honestly prefer that vulnerable yet honest confession, and therefore I think I am feeling better and easier to adjust myself.
As I said today, I know that the only one that can really pick ourselves up at this weakest point of our life is ourselves. I will try to remember this somewhere in my mind even when I am weak most of the time. And I hope you do too.
We made a pinky promise today: We will keep trying to become strong again one day for each other.
Andy, no matter what you are feeling right now, how strong and intense they are, remember that they shall all pass one day. I want you to remember that.
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