I feel one of the reasons that caused my depression is, the frustration of seeing how nothing is changed even when I have tried really hard to 'fix' things. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, all I can think of is how bad my situation is and disappointing the world is. The parcel with my winter clothes in there that never came, posts on social media in contrast to the reality that you are not here with me, news from friends about their family members/friends who were suddenly hospitalized and told by doctors that they don't have many days left.
It makes me feel really sad and hopeless, and also angry. Sometimes when I am crying in despair, my prayers sound like this: Why do all these things happen to me even when I already tried my very best? Where are you God? You must have forgotten me. Perhaps even you want me to give up too.'
Then one of these mornings, I saw a video titled 'Can true Christians get depression?' and it's one of the many times that I feel God responded to me.
The truth is, we live in a broken world. This is indeed a world full of problems and disappointment. Sometimes it's because of our own mistakes, and sometimes it's because of other people's. That is why feeling distressed and hopeless is actually a correct response toward the world and your situation. But what faith truly means is, trusting that there is this hope that is beyond what you can see at this moment in your circumstances.
So yes, bad things happen to good people because we live in a broken world that is full of selfishness and greed. And the good people are trying to live against these bad things, which is why they always end up suffering. God never promised that bad things won't happen to the ones who try to do good, not even His believers. What He has offered is that while we live in this broken world, He has given us this eternal hope that is beyond death for us to look forward to. To be honest, I still struggle to understand what this really means especially when I am swamped with my situation. But God also promised that He will guide us through the difficult times, step by step. For someone like me who's battling depression and suicidal thoughts, I ask God to give me just one reason that is strong enough to convince myself to keep living and trying until I see the light.
Love you.
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