🤍🤍🤍

hello my dear, miss you and have been thinking about you extra today 🤍 Writing today’s post slightly early (and it’s a long one) because I’ve basically been resting the whole day today at home - after the dinner last night with jojo and others, I had another allergic episode throughout the night :(

I had stomache and pooped 4 times since 1am and my entire body was itching and heated. As I pooped the 4th time, I vomited the entire dinner at the same time. My stomach calmed down after that but my uterus started contracting when I vomited, it was one of the most painful cramps I have had for a long time. I almost thought I had to call an ambulance but luckily I felt better after taking two painkillers. It was already 6am when I finally felt better to sleep.

When the pooping, vomiting and contracting happened at the same time, it was so hard that I really felt I wanted to give up and couldn’t tolerate the pain, and rather pass out in the toilet. But then I suddenly thought about my friend who fought so hard to stay for a few more days even after the cardiac arrest, just so that his family and friends could have a bit more time to say goodbye to him. I told myself that if he could do that, I could probably make it through the night :’)

I had been avoiding to write too much about my feelings in the last few days because it’s your birthday week (yet I still don’t know the exact date hahaha), and I didn’t want to make my posts here too heavy. I wanted to share something “fresh” or fun that will delight you. But perhaps, being my most real self here and sharing my most honest feelings is what truly keeps this website going.

My friend’s wife announced his funeral arrangement the night before yesterday. When I woke up in the morning yesterday, I was feeling it all over again - how heartbreaking my friends and his family must be these days. It’s a bit ridiculous but it’s like empathy is a “flaw” in my personality. It just breaks me so much watching or knowing people I care suffer and be heartbroken. It’s like I am breaking together with them too even when they are not supposed to my own feelings, and I just so desperately want my dear friends to recover soon and return to “normal”.

But yesterday morning as I was confronting these honest emotions with God in tears, my heart was prompted again by this line that I felt God spoke to me on my birthday during the hike: There is no short cut for healing.

I felt at that time that was just something God wanted me to know for myself for the past year, little did I know it is also an early reminder that God knew I would need after a few weeks as I watch my friends going through a hard time.

At that moment, I felt God was asking me: Do you believe that I can do the same thing for your friends and everyone you care, just as I have been doing for you, to bring healing to the broken hearts and lead them out of a dark place?

For the first time that was when I felt released from the burden of carrying the pain of the others.

There is no short cut for healing. It might indeed take them a long time to heal, but I can trust that this healing journey is going to transform them into something far more than who they were, just like what God has been doing in me. And perhaps all God wanted me to do with my empathy is so that I learn to walk alongside the ones who are broken in their journey of healing, but with a lighter heart instead of a troubled one.

And for you 😊 my dear Andy,

it’s been too long since we connected, so I don’t know how your life has been lately or what you are going through in your heart. But I believe no matter where we are at in life, we are all somehow on some sort of healing journey. The me in the past would probably just wish that you’d finish that journey as soon as you can, because the last thing I want is my loved one to go through hard times. But today, my birthday blessing for you is that, whether it is the hard or good times, you will experience more love, grace, and blessings along your journey.

And I also want to say to you:

Thank you for holding on in the past year and the 3x years of your life, Andy dear. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to do that for 3x years (and I can say that to you only because I am still 28 🤭) But I hope you know that whether you think you’ve done well or poorly or both this year, Hannah is very proud of you for still trying hard in life, and she wants to walk alongside you as you continue to do so ❤️‍🩹

Love you birthday boy (man), my favourite person on the planet 🌎🌍🌏 🤍

Don’t know which one to pick to put here, so I decided to put them all here :)

Happy birthday 🤍