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hello my dear, how are you?

I received a news today that a guy in my community at the church that I used to go is in critical condition in the hospital. His heart stopped suddenly yesterday but got rescued, and now he’s still fighting.

We’ve been in the same friend group for a very long. He is actually Vienna’s ex boyfriend. His wife is a friend who I grow up knowing, and I was his pianist at his wedding few years ago.

I am actually not very close to him and we haven’t talked for years, but when I heard about the news just now, I don’t know why that I was so mentally triggered and I couldn’t stop crying. I think it’s because it reminds me of those really dark days I had in the UK, when I was thinking to end my life. When I had those thoughts, I thought about all my friends and family, and you that I would leave behind if I were gone. Those were some very dark times and heavy emotions for me, and suddenly I feel like I am feeling them all over again, and it’s scary.

And then it got me thinking too, what if something happens to either me or you, and we don’t ever get to meet each other again and I don’t ever get a chance to let you know in person how much I love you and treasure you.

Sorry that this is a heavy post all of a sudden. I hope I feel more calmed and less triggered soon. I also hope I will hear some good news about my friend soon. But I also want to tell you again here: I really love you, dear Andy. I hope you know that in your heart and that will always keep you strong.

Hugs.