Me today (and the 👰🏻‍♀️📸)

hello my dear, how are you doing today?

As I expected, I woke up with really swollen eyes and bloated look this morning from all

the crying I had yesterday. I think it’s also because my period is coming soon, having a bit of PMS.

I had to go for my chinese doctor appointment this morning. I told my doctor what happened and my mood these days over messages before arriving at the clinic, because I don’t want him to ask me how my mood has been this week, and I also don’t want to surprise him with my very ugly swollen look.

After checking my pulse, he asked me if I cried a lot recently, haha. And then he said my body is very tired. I can actually tell too because I started to feel dizzy and had tinnitus last night after crying, and I haven’t been sleeping well these days. He said I really need to regulate my emotions. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Sometimes, I feel more relieved after crying, that’s why I let myself cry it out. But in the past few days, it’s indeed been a bit out of control. I have been crying waaaay too much and what worries me is that I can feel there’re still a lot of emotions inside me that I have to digest or ventilate, and I feel like crying is not enough to help relieve me.

If I am being honest, this feels similar to what I experienced back in the UK, when I was first separated from you, except I think this time should be a lot less heavy. I could seem fine doing things to keep myself occupied and distracted. But the emotions would come on suddenly before I even know it, and all of a sudden I was reminded of my loss and feeling it all over again.

But this is also where I remind myself that griefing takes time, no matter what the reason behind it is. And I have learnt that there are many ways to grief. And I hope that this time, as I have grown to know myself better than last time, I will know what kind of different ways will help me to cope better throughout this process.

Love you, dear Andy, and miss you 🤍 I miss you giving me a hug 🫂

Sorry for the slightly heavy sharing. To balance it out (and not putting another ugly selfie here again, let me share with you the latest photos I got from the wedding day. I am impressed that I look better in the photos than in person, haha.