CNY

Hello my dear, how are you? I miss you extra today.

My mom's side relatives came to my home for tuen nin dinner today and there were 12 people. Maybe because I've been by myself most of the time in the past month, it felt very overwhelming for me to be surrounded by so many people suddenly. At one point I just felt the noise was so so loud I wanted to hide in my room.

I don't know if you remember that I don't like Chinese New Year. Unlike a lot of families, we don't play mahjong or any gambling games during bai nin. So everyone just sits there and have to 'chat'.

I didn't spend CNY in HK last year, so my memory of it was 2022. I still remember how sad I was because it's the longest holiday that I couldn't see you. I missed you so so so much that even I tried so hard to hide it, I just couldn't and I had to text you.

I probably shouldn't have done this, I looked up our messages two years ago during CNY. They were very sweet but we withheld our hearts. I still vividly remember how I felt during that time. If only that Hannah knew she won't be able to message (not even meet) Andy for more than two years few months later.

I sometimes find it hard to believe that I still feel the same about you after more two years, and in fact probably even more. It's not because I can't let go of the past or I want to go back to the past. It is simply because you are so so valuable to me. And to me, you are 200% worth it, worth my love and worth everything I am ready to give you. I know you might disagree but you need to accept that sometimes you just can't change how someone sees you.

Tonight is one of the nights that I just really really miss you. Sorry, I got really emotional. But I just really miss you during this festival.