Can’t believe I will be going to Paris in a week.
My anxiety started to creep in once again earlier today as I realised how soon the trip is going to be. Whenever that happens, my mind just goes off uncontrollably to think about all the errands and stuff I need to sort out before I go, and all the reasons that make me don’t want to go.
Things like, what to pack and bring this time? Do I have the right clothes to wear? When should I do the laundry so that I’ll have enough to bring? Anything I need to buy for the trip? Anything I need to prepare or plan for the trip? Should I get some euros. I should probably clean the toilet and the rest of the house once more before going. I have to do my hair before going. I should meet my doctor once more before going too. Should I get more meds to being over? Anything in the fridge that I need to clear out before going? I should meet this friend before I go and I need to prepare to bring these stuff to her. How about the work I’m supposed to do aside from the trip……
The list goes endless and so does my mind.
I am overwhelmed by the feeling of not wanting to go at the same time. How I am almost “traumatised” to have to travel this far again, especially to be back to an old familiar place this time. The long haul solo flight that I will have to take. The jet lag. My neck and back pain that will likely be getting worse because of all the travelling. The socialising I will have to do. The insecure, gut-wrenching, “homesick” feeling that I am going feel again…
In my head, I know that all these are actually my anxious feelings (more than thoughts or practical tasks) that I am struggling to cope with.
This happened to be part of the devotional I am reading tonight.
I don’t have any other answers to the overwhelming anxiety and depression that I am feeling. But I could feel that God is trying to come through to me in the midst of it, trying to tell me that I may not understand it now, but I will in time.
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