Bear

Today I went out to causeway bay with my brother to run some errands. I have to hug this bear every time I see it at Ikea.

Miss you a lot Andy.

I struggle a lot with getting out of bed lately because everything seems meaningless to me. Every morning I wrestle with the side of me that keeps telling me I am in a inferior position with so little hope, and there's no point persevering and waiting for better things to come in life.

I said this because I want you to know how scarce it is that you get to see photos of me dressed up, with a smiling face, outside of my home. Behind that was a 2-hour morning crawling on bed in tears, battling with depressive thoughts, soothing my own breaths, crying for God to help.

It's a victory that I never take for granted the moment I choose to leave my bed and try my best to live out my day. It is not easy, not at all.

I want to share with you this Bible passage I've been reading over and over in the morning for the past few days. Recently I feel that I no longer feel where God is. It's like he's been silent or even gone. But then I also asked myself, is it really that God has left, or is it that I've been pushing him away because my heart is full of thoughts that I'm keeping within myself? Then this passage came to my mind.

Every time I read it, I am reminded that God has never left, even when I don't feel like opening my heart to him or anyone because I think it is too broken. I can imagine he sits next to quietly, patiently waiting for me to turn to him.