Today evening I got forwarded a news article that an 80 years old man from the Cheng's family was dead in the mansion and it's suspected that he's murdered by his wife who's got depression and also attempted to suicide. The news said it's the Cheng family who owns the Meyer cookware company.
Jenny recognised the house from some photos in the news, it seems like it's the mansion that Vincent lives in and that is probably his uncle, who didn't work in Meyer.
It's so tragic and shocking. Vincent is in the US now, not so sure how he is doing. I actually have a meeting with him tomorrow at 7:30am and it seems like it'll still happen, so I guess he'll still work as usual.
I have been feeling really sad since I read the news. Even though I actually don't know that person, I also didn't even hear this directly from Vincent, it's just from the news. But I started crying when I was about to sleep.
When I started crying, my first thought was actually: "Why am I crying? Who am I to even cry over this. It's not really my business and it'd be so embarrassing if anyone knows I cry about it."
But as I allowed those emotions to flow through, I realised I cry because I am actually empathising with people's pain and loss without realising. I guess it's also my depressive symptoms that cause me to be very sensitive and emotional. But then I remember in the Bible, Jesus cried and mourned with those who lost their loves ones too and he empathised with the weak and poor. It made me reflect that maybe I shouldn't be judging myself for crying or having emotions over this. Having the ability to empathise should be something that I embrace about myself, I just need to learn how to use it well.
I guess it's because when I was small, I was always told to "don't cry" as a way of comforting. So as I grew up, even I have a lot of emotions, I just bottle it up and try not to "cry it out". So when I cry a lot more ever since I lived alone in the UK and developed the depression, I tend to judge myself for crying with a lot of reasons (it's embarrassing, makes me look ugly, causes my eyes to hurt, wastes my time and energy...I can go on forever). But perhaps whether we like it or not, the truth is our emotions need to be processed and it's our job to give ourselves the channels and space to do so. I feel that the most gentle words I can say to myself in these moments is: "It's okay to cry. There is nothing wrong with crying it out."
Goodnight.
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