Baby Hannah

hello dear, how was your Saturday? I am feeling a bit emo right now and I miss you 🥺

Today I went to Kowloon City to have Jojo’s farewell lunch with IF team. There were Howe, Patrick, Edison, another guy that you don’t know, Jojo and her mom. During the lunch, her mom accidentally called Jojo “bb” in front of us and she apologised immediately. Then I said “it’s okay, Jojo calls me Hannah bb sometimes too.” (don’t know if you remember, that’s how she still calls me these days in the office). But then after I said that, Jojo and Edison coincidentally said to me at the same time “but that’s because you are a baby” and they both laughed.

And that comment stucked with me for the rest of the afternoon. I can’t stop thinking what does that mean…? Are they teasing me or hinting that I am immature and childish? Or is that supposed to be a compliment that I am young and “cute”…? But I really am not that young anymore…there’re younger members now in the Meyer Labs team like Veron. And I don’t think I am cute…

I felt like I’m in crisis mode the more I thought about it as I got home, and I decided to texted Edison and asked him why he and Jojo said I am a baby earlier. Then he replied “Because you are 🤪”…

And now I am even more confused whether it is a negative or neutral or positive comment..and why they seem to be “laughing” at me :( I know that at work sometimes I still give out a “little girl” vibe these days when I am trying to be nice and gentle. But that is only when it’s more casual or just between a few people that I am closer with like Ed. And sometimes I may be a bit silly in front of Edison because I am less guarded and feel safe with him.

So I guess I am self doubting myself now, and I can’t help thinking on the negative side more, that maybe I am such a baby, that’s why Edison sometimes gives out this 🙄 look at my face and he just does all these things to take care of me.

But at the same time, I feel sad because I feel that I have tried so hard to grow and mature over the years, but as I do that I also don’t want myself to lose my innocence and I want to be a genuine and authentic person as much as I can. If that is why people think that I am such a baby, I’d feel really sad.

I don’t know, or maybe I am just overthinking too much 🥺

I miss you 😢