Baby step

Hello dear, how are you today? Miss you 😊

Today I did something “new” for the first time. I came across an IG Story from an acquaintance, who’s actually a friend of the therapist friend I sometimes mention here. In that Story, she shared about how she feels like life has been quite “steady and happy” recently, but for some reason she still feels like there’s some kind of emptiness or things that’s missing. She can’t tell what it is and wonder if that’s normal and how life should be.

She was inviting people to share their thoughts, I barely know her and as you know I am such a private person, but I don’t know why at that moment I just felt this urge to share with her my thoughts, so I wrote a long reply to her Story with these words below (but in Chinese).

I said I kinda understand what she meant by feeling like life is “steady and good”, but you just feel like something is still missing or off and you can’t tell what it is. I told her that’d actually been how I felt for 2-3 years, until something happened and I decided to leave HK and went to the UK to study 1.5 years ago. And long story short, I developed depression during that time.

But if anyone ask me, I’d say my depression was already brewing during that 2-3 years when I began to feel like the “normal” life seemed off but I just couldn’t explain how. I told her that I am still on the journey now, but I feel like I am starting to find some answers through my faith and conversations with myself. I realised that as I get to know myself better bit by bit each day and explore how to “get along” with the different sides of myself, the “closer” I feel to my own self, the less lost I feel about how life should be like.

I told her in the end, I’ll probably never describe my life as “happy”. But I’d say it’s a fruitful one, and to me that is how life should “feel” like.

This is such a small episode of today, but I want to write it down here and share with you, because it means a lot to me to have the courage to open up and even mention about the depression part of my story to anyone, not to mention it’s a stranger.

I have always felt how great it’d be if someday my stories and sharing would lighten up someone’s life even if it’s just a tiny bit. Today was that baby step for me :)

And among all people, you’re the first one I’d want to light up. Love you the most, my dearest dear Andy. ❤️‍🩹

Lastly, here is me getting breakfast this morning, I think this top makes me look a bit fat…haha