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hello dear, how are you? 🤍

Writing to you from my bed at home :) I got discharged this afternoon after the endoscopy in the morning. The endoscopy was the “main dish” of my check up this time. I was a bit scared, mainly because I have never done endoscopy before or even been on anaesthesia.

I guess I’m being a bit silly and overthinking, because endoscopy is such a common test, but I did imagine what if there’s some complications during my test and I just never wake up again. It just makes me nervous to think of how I won’t know what’s going on once I am being put on anaesthesia. But when I was waiting on my bed to be admitted to the surgery room, I was thinking about all these and I realised my fear actually comes from my need to control. So I prayed to God and said, if it is your will for me to continue to live, I know I will wake up. I’ll put my life on your hands.

And then fast forward to after I’ve done the endoscopy. I already started to be awake as they move me out of the surgery room. By the time I got moved to the recovery, I was already opening my eyes. I was still a bit groggy, but I didn’t expect that the first thing I did was I started to tear up. I just suddenly got really emotional because the first thing I had in mind as I woke up was actually God’s voice telling me gently, “Of course I want you to live, my dear child.” And it reminded me of that same voice I heard few years ago when I was in London going through my darkest days with suicidal thoughts. It was as if God took this opportunity to reassure me again, He has his eyes on me and has a purpose for me in this life.

Perhaps all these sound really weird to you or most people, because it’s just an endoscopy, not even a small surgery or anything. But mentally it is really significant for me, the battle is not just physically but also mentally.

But going back to physically, my doctor came to see me after the endoscopy, he said there isn’t any serious complications. Only that I’ve got gastritis, also diverticulitis (non inflammatory currently) in my intestines. There’s also some polyps in my intestines, and they’ve taken some tissues for biopsy. But he said overall, the chances of IBD/Crohn’s disease is quite low :)

But then because of my anaemia, after I got back to my ward, they gave me some iron supplement injection. And I started to have some allergy reaction like hives. So they had to inject some allergy medicine, and it got me super drowsy and I passed out again 😅

I was discharged at like 2pm, but I was actually having some really bad stomache. I think it’s because I have been on diet and my body isn’t used to digesting solid again. I am still also quite groggy, so I’ve been resting and sleeping a lot.

I hope that’s a wrap on this medical thing, I will still need to visit my doctor again for the detailed reports and follow up. I will share with you if there’s anything special.

Gonna rest soon, good night 🤍

(PS I am so glad I get to hug my pinky dog and sleep on my bed tonight 🥺)