Big swollen eyes but progress

hello my dear, how are you today?

I miss you extra today. After all the craaazy crying I had yesterday, I woke up with biiig swollen eyes this morning as expected, hahaha. But that still seems to be not enough for my body, I still cried a bit more this morning before I woke up to my chinese doctor appointment, I really am a “big cry bun”, haha.

When I met my chinese doctor, I told him in a half joking way that I’ve been crying a lot since yesterday. He asked me why, I said I don’t know, maybe because my period is here. Then he started asking me about my other physical symptoms and checked my pulse. Then he got so excited and said my overall state this time is actually the best so far for this year.

He asked me if I feel the same way, and I said no haha, all I could feel is I’m quite tired and I kept crying, haha. Then he explained that’s “normal” because my period is here now. I think what he means is my crying is actually my body’s reaction to release the tension within me, and it’s a “good” thing that my body is still flexible to react because this is supposed to be the weakest moment for me throughout a cycle. That’s why I would feel “better” every time after crying.

He then asked me what do I think is the reason why my body finally is improving, and I embarrassingly said maybe because I’ve continued to exercise regularly for 2 ish weeks…? Then he was so impressed by that and he kept encouraging me to keep it up. You know I always get shy and flattered so easily whenever people compliment me. So to cover that, I immediately said but I might not exercise this week because I am lazy 🙈

So this week, he didn’t prescribe any chinese medicine for me. He also said if I continue to be more stable, I can switch to visiting him biweekly. I think his explanation probably makes sense, because even though I am feeling a lot emotionally, my cramps this time is less severe than before. I used to have to take at least 4 painkillers throughout the period. But this time I have taken 2 only so far and I don’t think I’ll need to take more. I also finally don’t feel like crying nonstop today, just a liiiiitle bit of crying, because I am a ball of emotions :)

I miss you extra today, because I think you like hearing me share positive progress about myself. Even though I said I felt “flattered”, I know that this is not entirely my achievement. The Hannah with a depressed mindset wouldn’t have done any of these if it wasn’t God who helped me understand the importance of taking better care of my physical body. I will try to keep it up as my doctor encouraged me to, but I also know that I don’t have to rush this process :)

Selfie to record my biiig swollen eyes 🥺 miss you

Took this photo on my bus ride to the clinic today. I captured this view because I like how in one angle you can see a super old building on the left and a modern commercial building at the opposite on the right, while they are being separated by a tram in its classic green color.