Boundaries

Today is the first day of work at Frankfurt and it was exhausting, stressful, and intense.

I was in charge of making sure everything related to Disney in the trade show display works out. Luckily it did.

But it was a full day of setting things up and I barely drank any water. Then by the time we got to the dinner restaurant, I had a really bad stomachache because I have been hungry for too long.

I was at edge of mental breakdown twice throughout the day. One was work related at the trade show because it has been frustrating to work with the team here. The second time was at the dinner when everyone was socialising and drinking while I was starving and having a really bad stomache.

At one point I zoned out and asked myself where am I. The fancy food in a high class restaurant with all the dim lights, having conversations about things that I don't even care about, then going back to a really nice, well serviced hotel room but being all alone on a king-sized bed — do I enjoy any of these at all?

I probably don't, not at all.

But one thing I noticed about myself was whenever I am starting to feel not okay, I mentally pull back and tell myself, it's okay not to say yes to everything and pretend that I'm all okay in front of these people. I can be as frank and direct as I need to make myself clear. I can tell Vincent and everyone else I have a stomache so I am not engaging and faking a smile. It's okay to set boundaries without thinking feeling bad.

I miss home, I miss letting my inner child out, I miss you.