I landed safely in Paris early this morning. I deliberately chose to fly out a day earlier than everyone else so that I can have some alone time here. As I thought, I barely remember anything here except the train and metro map - that did give me a bit of deja vu.
Me after freshening up in the hotel but still with jetlag
I received my first “welcome” from Paris as I went out to walk around in the late afternoon and did some window shopping in a secondhand vintage boutique.
A random middle aged man who works in the shop suddenly started chatting with me. He then took a price tag to write me his number and asked me to call him if I wanted to have a drink or go party 😅
To be nice I did take the price tag and said Merci, but I left the shop immediately and found this ridiculously funny. It reminds me of that man in Malta who chatted with me and got my number. Why do these middle aged men like to approach me? I am not even white or good looking.
On the other hand, the chinese doctor asked me questions about cookware today. I offered him that I can get some free samples when I come back as I talked about how and what he cooks. It was also when we talked about that. he mentioned he is going to move and live with his gf end of the year.
I think our interactions have dialed down a lot since a few weeks ago and I can feel that he intentionally did that. I totally understand because he has a girlfriend. But I still can’t help but be really nice to him whenever I can. I get him coffee every time I visit him, I am already thinking what to get him from Paris, and I am also going to get him some cookware when I am back.
I don’t really know why I am doing these. You probably think I am being silly too. I guess I just naturally want to show people love as much as I can, especially people that I like. It’s not just him, I saw some coffee beans earlier today and I immediately thought of Edison and bought him a bag.
For the chinese doctor, I guess I just really don’t hate him, and since I still get the chance to be nice and “spoil” him when I don’t get that with you, I just subconsciously diverted my energy to “show him my love”.
But it does hurt sometimes knowing that I will unlikely get anything in return. It is a kind of sorrow that I just need to swallow secretly when I treat people nicely.
I miss you. Imagine if I have the chance, all the things that I can think of to make you feel loved.
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