Day 2 of my dayoff!!

hello dear, how was your day today?

Today is day 2 of my day off, and it’s a really really special day because…I went HIKING! For the very first time since I came back from the UK and since I had anxiety and depression.

Exercising is something that I haven’t been able to convince myself to pick back up since I had these mental illness. One of the push was that when I had my recent depression episode, my chinese doctor explained that my emotions are “heating up “ my body, that’s why I started to have those physical symptoms like headaches and dizziness. And he encouraged me to go exercising or sweating as a way for my body to release the heat.

Another “push” that I had was that my church recently introduced this hike that seems interesting and relatively easy compared to the one I used to go from my home to Big Wave Bay. And I always felt if I am to start hiking again, it’d probably be better to start off with something easier to let my body get used to it again.

When I was getting ready at home earlier today, as I put on those sporty clothes that I haven’t worn for two years, I don’t know why I started to feel so anxious and agitated. In fact, I even felt worried that my outfit is “outdated” (haha) and I don’t look cool on them.

My anxiousness continued as I started walking. I worried that my body won’t be able to handle it, I might get lost because I haven’t been to this hike, and that I just somehow won’t be able to accomplish this supposedly very simple hike and I never should have gone hiking.

But as I continued to walk up and the journey became the best chance for me to converse with myself and God, there’s this clear voice in my heart that says to me: “Take your time, Hannah. You can be at your own pace and don’t have to worry. Because no matter fast or slow, I will always walk alongside you.”

And since then, I could feel my anxiety slowly going away and replaced by a warm feeling. It is a peaceful feeling that tells my mind that this is an opportunity for me to learn trusting my body again.

And after around an hour, I was finally at the viewing point that can see the city from three sides!

I know this probably seems like such an easy and insignificant accomplishment for most people, but to me, it really really means a lot.

I have had a trillion reasons (excuses) that my depressive mind has been using to tell me to not go exercise or hiking for more than 2 years. (I checked my fitness record, the last time I went on a hike was 25/6/2022) And for the time when I was in the UK living those worst days of my life, I couldn’t even imagine that this day would come - that I would be mentally strengthened enough again to go on a hike, back in Hong Kong.

I shed a lot of tears as I sat at the viewing point looking down at the city, the city that I once ran away from because there’s just too much hurt to live on with in this place. And I could feel God saying to me: Greater things are yet come, for you and this city. You may not see the what or how now, but you can have my word because you are my people and this is my city.

Luckily there’re other people there too, otherwise I think I would have cried my eyes out, hahaha.

To me, this is such a special day to remember because it definitely is one of the biggest milestones of my journey :) God really has led me through a long way.

I am so glad that I get to share this with you, Andy, even though it’s just as a blog here. I just want to say thank you to you too for walking alongside me for all these time. I might be wrong but I think you’re be proud of me too(?) :’)

(a super ugly close up of the swollen me)

(me finally back home)

and more photos, love you 🤍