Day 5 Last full day of work

hello my dear Andy, how was your day?

Today was the last full day I was at this trade show. I couldn’t sleep well last night because of the gut wrenching homesick feeling I had. It made my stomach feel unwell, and that unwell feeling went upward and gave me a suffocating feeling that I couldn’t breathe properly. I woke up at 6am and started crying again. I actually felt slightly bit better after the cry, and then I went to the trade show venue.

I told my chinese doctor about these, he finally understood my gut wrenching “homesick” feeling from a chinese medicine point of view. He said I have to find ways to relax emotionally, like how I would sing sometimes. Obviously I won’t have the chance to do that here during work. But today during the trade show, I actually managed to leave the others and go to the outdoor of the venue alone for a breath. It’s actually a smoking area. But honestly at this point, I don’t care about the smell anymore. I just wanted to breathe some air alone. I even hummed while I sat there. I felt slightly better after this.

Veron will be leaving tomorrow early morning, so this is her last day at the show. We took a few selfie at our stand for memories before we left for dinner. I think I looked quite tiring, haha.

And since tonight is the last night we were all here, Veron wanted a few drinks before we went back to our own hotel room. As you know I don’t drink, but I did sit with them. They ended up talking a lot of complaints about Vincent and the company.

I actually didn’t really enjoy the talk. It was a bit like the first night when Veron shared a lot of her thoughts and comments, and I just don’t know why that I just really don’t feel good about these conversations, like socialising by talking behind people’s back. But I didn’t have the choice because no one talked about other things and I didn’t feel like changing the topic either, and maybe they do need to vent about these, so I just let the conversation go naturally.

It was actually quite mentally tiring for me, and it just made me realize more strongly that I don’t feel like developing “closer” bonding with the others at Meyer if all they talk about are gossips and complaints. It feels toxic for me, and now that I am back to my own space, I just feel like I want to shake off that toxicity.

I do miss you a lot though especially when we brought up the old times quite a few times. I really miss and cherish you, because I feel we shared more than just work complaints back in those days. You were my strongest and most healing moral support.

🤍 miss you, Andy dear.