I am finally flying back to HK today, finishing this 28-day long journey. I don't know if it's because my period is here, I feel like crying from the moment I left the hotel till now while I am waiting in the airport.
Looking back this has been a rather fruitful trip:
Revisited the church I've been going in London
Attended my graduation (& made my mom really proud)
Met my classmates again
Reserved (bought) a house in Manchester
Got a lot of compliments with my work for the Frankfurt show
Embraced the great nature in Malta
Went to rewatch a really talented young opera singer that I discovered in London
Went to Churchill War Room (been wanting to go for long time)
It's probably the first time I traveled to this many places all alone (only the trains to Manchester was with my mom). And I am still in one piece.
On the way to the airport I re-read what I wrote here on the day I first arrived:
Perhaps what I need to set for this trip is not 'goals', but instead an open heart to have conversations with myself and make room for God to work within me, whether it is to strengthen my heart or to bring healing.
There've been challenging moments throughout this trip that made me feel I am very far from being okay. But there've also been times when I see God's hands at work in me and the people I care and love. (I didn't expect to come back to HK with a house.) God also reminded me of his goodness through the beautiful nature he created. I know he wants me to remember even when my world looks really really dark and lonely at times, he has never left and his love for me is something that I can always hold on to.
I always get this overwhelming feeling whenever I am flying in and out. (Seriously, just the Cantonese I can hear in the Heathrow airport is overwhelming enough.) Perhaps it is indeed quite tiring to have to go back and forth between HK and UK as I have to mentally adjust myself to the different environment every time.
It is something deeper and medium term that I need to think about. I still don't have an answer to if I prefer to be in HK or UK - both feel like a bit of home and homesick at the same time for me. And I guess that's because home is never the place, isn't it.
But there is one thing I already know is that it's likely I have to come back in April when the house is ready, because I will have to be present as the buyer and likely my parents will need my help to settle down. That's definitely not gonna be an easy trip, and I don't really enjoy staying in Manchester, so I hope it won't be long. (I also don't mind if you want to be my company, just saying. Just saying, haha.)
There is also something practical that I need to start thinking about, that is currently because I haven't stayed in the UK for more than 183 days, I am not a resident and will have to pay a foreign buyer tax. I can still get a refund if I stay there for 183 days before April 2025. It will be around £7000 of tax which is not a small amount. But I've told my mom don't expect that to be part of the plan, and I also tell myself that I don't have to force myself to do that if it is not going to help with my mental health. It's just something to think about.
Will think a lot about you on the flight. I hope you are doing okay. You are constantly on my mind. Miss you.
PS. My tree outfit that I probably can only wear in the UK because I got a green beanie which I think is really cool.
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