Hannah gets sick again :(

hello dear, how are you? 🫂

Turns out after the 4 days intense business trip and my period arriving, I am also falling sick (🫠). I sneezed once last night and started to feel sore at my nasal, and this morning I felt really heavy headed with the nasal sore :(

Thankfully it’s tuesday, my weekly chinese doctor appointment day, so I got some meds and hopefully at least they will stop my sickness from getting worse. I was supposed to have today as a compensated holiday, but turns out it just became a sick day for me and I just lied on my bed the whole afternoon after coming back from my doctor’s appointment.

I at first planned to meet Chung for dinner tonight, but I decided to cancel it because I can feel my body really needs the rest and I don’t want to infect him. I can tell he feels quite sad and disappointed even though he didn’t express that directly, and just as the last few times, he was still trying to suggest ways for us to meet briefly. Once again I felt like he wasn’t pushing the boundaries again, and at that moment, I felt that perhaps this is the time for me to open up more about my mental health conditions with him.

In fact I’ve realised for a period of time that we’ve reached a bottleneck in our relationship that if we want to grow closer in intimacy, I will have to open up about this aspect of myself in order for him to understand me better. I just dragged this for awhile because opening up is always never easy for me. And I finally did earlier slowly, with a lot of words (I know that I’m better at expressing it over writing than talking over it). It is quite tiring (a lot of tears dropped for me as I did that), but also relieving to finally being able to share about these things that are difficult to talk about.

After reading all my messages, his first few responses so far were mostly around suggesting me to seek professional help. I understand where he is coming from, and I am not rejecting the idea, it’s just that to me or perhaps anyone with mental health issues, that really wasn’t the most well received response. But I know I need to give him time to digest and figure out how he wants to take it. I also am aware that he’s not familiar with this area, and it takes time to learn how to be a good caregiver to people with mental health struggles.

That’s all I want to share for now, I hope I get better soon :( good night :(