“Hannah, we all love you”

hello dear Andy, how was your day? I miss you 😊 It’s past 12am now so it’s officially my birthday. But let me write about my day (the 20th) first for now.

Today, I only worked for half day and I went to meet a friend for coffee in the afternoon. Not sure if you remember, but I shared long ago about a friend who is the most “kong girl” among all of my friends and she likes taking kong girl photos for me even I didn’t ask her to. I actually haven’t met or even connected with her for more than 2 years, since I went to the UK in 2022. She actually reached out to me for several times last year but I chose to isolate myself and didn’t reply her because I felt I would probably feel mentally drained than recharged to connect with her.

But last week, she suddenly sent me a long message asking how I have been doing and if she did anything wrong that I am angry at her. I actually felt really bad when I saw the message. We used to be really close and sometimes she still comes to my mind these days, but I never had the courage to reach out to her again. She is definitely one of those people that I feel guilty about for isolating myself, so even though I still worried it’d be awkward and draining for us to meet again and my schedule for this two weeks is already very packed, I still decided to make some time with her and meet her for coffee today.

Turns out, it wasn’t that scary and it was manageable. Even though I was still pretty tired afterwards, I think that’s just because I was stressing myself out. She didn’t try to take any kong girl photo with me this time, haha. I think she grew up quite a bit too and in fact she told me that she is getting married in 2026 (she is 2 years younger than me).

And at night, my brother and I had to attend the winter solstice dinner with my mom’s relatives. It’s a tradition for years that they would also celebrate my birthday on the same day.

They told me that my mom was the one who suggested the words on the cake. It says “Hannah, we all love you.” That might seem like a very cheesy line to put on a cake for others, but to me that was already enough to make me cry. (But of course I kept it all within at that moment and I am only crying it out now, haha.)

That was probably what I wanted to hear the most two years ago when I spent my birthday alone in the UK. And I know I already said this yesterday, but for the last two years, I have been so used to pushing the world away and hiding inside the darkness. So to me, accepting people’s love and blessings is a lesson that I know I still have a long way to learn, and something that will only come as I heal.

I also prepared some cookware as Christmas gifts for my aunties, they were super excited to receive them. I am so glad that despite all the tension and dislike feelings that my dad has about them over the years, I eventually still found my own ways to love them back too.

Love you and miss you, dear Andy ❤️‍🩹