Hectic day before Japan family trip

hello my dear, how are you today? I think a lot about you today.

I had a stressful day today, it seems like this tends to happen every time before I go on a trip that I got so much to sort out.

I had to go in the office today to have a meeting with Vincent (though he didn’t come back in the end). And before that, I had to go to my chinese doctor appointment. I was in a hurry to leave home in the morning, but my mom wanted to talk with me about some finance stuff. It actually isn’t even that urgent, so I don’t understand why she can’t just wait until I came back tonight, but still I had to “manage” her.

My chinese doctor shared a lot today about what he’s been busy with on getting married. He said they won’t have any ceremony or party, but still got some things to sort out. I was actually not really in the mood to listen to those details because I myself have so much to think about too, and I worried I’d feel triggered again. But I felt he really wanted to share, so I tried to be an attentive listener. Then he suddenly asked me, when do I plan/hope to get married. I don’t know why I feel like it’s such an outrageous question for him to ask, so I laughed out loud at the spot. I really didn’t feel like answering, and I just said I don’t know.

After my appointment, I had lunch with the others, and Edison wanted to get something from Muji in APM. So I accompanied him to go there after lunch. It reminds me so much of how we two used to walk down that road from the office to the back of APM during these lunch hour. It makes me miss you so much. And what I realised was how I didn’t like it at all that I did that walk with someone else that is not you. That is also why I have actually been avoiding APM in the past few years because it reminds me so much of our time together. Miss you extra today.

Then I had an intense afternoon in the office, and something “dramatic” came out. The context is that our current contract with Disney is actually ending next monday (end of March). I and my boss have been discussing contract extension with Disney for almost a year, but both sides have been dragging it. And now we only have few days left, it seems like we can’t come to terms, and we might walk away abruptly. I don’t think I should share too much details here, but if this really happens, it is going to have so much drama/impact for all of our markets.

But personally, I am just stressed out because I’ve been stuck in this negotiation for months. And because this last few days of our contract is gonna be so critical, it means I probably won’t be able to have a real vacation in Japan. I don’t know I’ll handle it because I was already stressing about this family trip that I have to manage my parents.

At a deeper level/longer term, if we really aren’t doing Disney anymore, it will also mean that my role will probably be rescoped (which is also how the conversation I had with the talent development director would cone in). I will probably have to step up into other things with new learning curves if I continue to stay in Meyer.

It freaks me out a little bit when I think about it. I am always the kind that is scared of change and uncertainty. But when I was leaving office tonight after such an overwhelming hectic day, and I could feel all the stress and anxiety building up within me, the first song that was played in my car happened to be this Christian worship song called “Good Plans”. And the chorus that was on repeat goes like this: He has good plans, He has good plans for me. So, I will take heart in deserts and gardens.

It really felt like it was God speaking over me through this song: Even though I can’t see clearly the road in front of me at this moment, I can carry on with confidence and peace because he is assuring me that he has good plans for me.

Me today, it’s getting hotter so I wear a vest.

Miss you and good night.