hello

hello dear, how are you?

Sorry that I “ghosted” for a few days. My period came early and I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed as I try to adapt to my routine life back in HK again. It’s not really that it’s been very hectic busy for me everyday, it’s just that after going through each day, I feel like I need more alone time and space than before to process and reset myself before I sleep because I am still adapting and I want to make sure I rest enough to recover from my jetlag.

I do think about you extensively in the last few days and in fact I also spent some time to reflect on our relationship. Sometimes I feel bad for not writing here every night or every other night. But I also don’t want to just write very surface content here each day about what I’ve done, put a few photos and just call it done. I cherish this space we have a lot. Of course I would have wanted our connection to be more than just this website, but the last thing I want is also that I am just writing because I feel like I have to write here.

Aside from thinking about you and us a lot in the last few days, I have also been trying to live out a fruitful life while navigating through some stressful moments. There were a few financial discussions I had to have with my parents and brother. Even though I know I am very blessed compared to a lot of people in this aspect, I feel like those conversations still stirred up a bit of insecurity and anxiety in me about the future.

I don’t want to put too much details here, but basically my brother and I have been assisting my mom to manage our family’s finances in HK, which sometimes involves our own finances. But the financing approaches of each of us are all quite different, so it takes a lot of effort for us to communicate and align. And at the same time, I also want to have my own financial independence and I have actually been considering getting my own car, but I’m still not sure if I am ready financially and mentally. So all these talks about money and future planning have just been stressing me out quite a bit internally. Especially when my mental state is not good, I have to fight against the pessimistic voice in my brain coming from depression that doesn’t want to think about the future.

But I feel like this is an opportunity for me to learn how to not let my mind be overly burdened when it comes to topics like these by shifting from a “worldly” lens to one that looks beyond that. And I really want my Faith to be part of it when I consider my finances that any decision I make will be a prayerful one.

And yesterday, I had a long day out as I went in the office and then I had my care group night afterwards. It’s been a long time I met them because I have been away. I feel it is good for me to be back in communities again (whether it is work or church), even though I need time to recharge and rest afterwards. I also feel really “proud” of myself for managing fine yesterday because I am on my period too and that makes me quite exhausted.

Miss you. It was my chinese doctor’s big day yesterday, I gave him my blessings and I guess that is why I miss you extra. Will continue to think about you extensively.

Long and loose dress to cover my bloated period body