Hugs in fire

hello my dear, how was your weekend? miss you.

I think I am feeling slightly bit better, gradually, even though I still feel like I am not at my “usual” yet. I intentionally took extra time to rest during this weekend while still making sure I stepped out of the house.

On Saturday, my care group had an outing event, we had brunch and went to an Escape Room in Mongkok. Guess where we went for brunch? It’s that pancake shop next to Shanghai Street that we once went to 🥺 Even though we only went there once for getting props, I don’t know why that place felt very memorable for me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to visit that place again, but when I stepped in I didn’t have much negative feelings, I just thought about you and missed you extra.

I think it was good for me to hangout with my care group and try to put aside my heavy emotions for a bit. Even though I still don’t feel comfortable enough yet to open up about my mental struggles with them, at least I feel like being with them didn’t drain me extra, which is already quite rare for me to find.

I also wanted to share this morning when I was crying and praying before I got out of bed, I suddenly had this vivid image in my head, where I was on fire all over my body standing there, and then Jesus came to hug me and put off the fire on me with his hug.

I feel that image really reflected what I am going through. I still feel that I am carrying a lot of emotions in the last two days. Occasionally I am able to cry for a bit to release the tension within me. But most of the time, I just feel really perplexed while still trying to carry out my day like a robot. And if I am being honest, I hate this robot feeling of myself a lot. Because I know it means I am too overwhelmed that I am no longer in tune with my emotions, and all I feel is agitation and cynicism. But in my wordless prayers to God this morning, which really was mostly just tears, I know God’s comfort came through with that image of him hugging me despite I am “on fire”. It has always been his love that softens and heals the really broken me.

Hugs.