Ikea bear and you

hello, I miss you. how did you spend your Lunar New Year Eve?

My mom’s relatives came to our house for tuen nin faan tonight. On festival celebrations like these, I miss you extra.

I feel slightly better today, less agitated and had less nightmares last night. But I still wanted to make sure I give myself enough space especially with the noisy, loud Lunar New Year approaching, so I went out alone this afternoon after getting off work at 1pm, before my realtives came.

I went to Causeway Bay for a bowl of fishball noodles (my favourite), then sat for awhile in coffee shop, and then I went to Ikea to get some stuff. Every time I go to Ikea, I always always make sure I stop by the kids section, and touch or hug the bear there. It is sooo cute and healing, and it reminds me of you.

Today, I touched and played with its tummy.

Lately, one of the unresolved thoughts/questions that has been stuck in my head quite badly is about you. It’s been 531 days since we last met back in August 2023, when you worked for that freelance shooting project. On and off for the past 531 days, I would ask myself questions like, how long will I be able to keep writing here? Does God want me to keep writing? Will Andy ever reach out to me one day? Do I really still “love” you? Will you no longer feel familiar to me if we ever meet again?

I don’t mean to pressure you into anything or making you overthink. I am sorry if I make you feel that way. It’s just from time to time I would have these “crisis” moments, and I am just writing out some of my honest thoughts here that I don’t really have answers to yet.

What I am sure though, is that I still think I have a lot of feelings for you. Some days I would feel them more, other days my mind may be more occupied by other things that are troubling me. And you are still my favourite person on the planet 👈🏻 that’s my favourite statement to describe you.

Miss you, Andy. Not sure how you are spending your Lunar New Year. But know that I definitely miss you a lot during this time, even though I don’t like Lunar New Year at all.

Good night.

my outfie selfie that’s finally not at my home this time