Long sharing

hello dear, how are you? miss you a lot 🤍

I finally have a bit more time and energy today to write here before I sleep - I haven’t been feeling very well, because my period is late. My cycle is usually 26-28 days, but it’s been 32 days and it still didn’t come until last night. The delay makes me a bit unwell physically, I have been very tired and had some pre period cramps and headaches. I think my period is late because of my hormones imbalance/disorder, it likely also explains why my mental state hasn’t been so stable in the past month. But thankfully my period came last night during my care group. I just hope that I wouldn’t be too unwell both physically and mentally in the following few days.

I mentioned I wanted to write a wrap up for the Thailand trip last week, it’s actually less of the trip itself but more like the reflection and thoughts that I finally got time and space to process during the trip. The trip happened mainly because my brother’s gf hasn’t been to Thailand and I also kinda miss Thailand (after going there for work once every year for the last two years). But I feel that the timing is also good because my parents are actually coming back the week after (for 4.5 months this time!). And I also feel like recently, aside from my mental episode, I feel a bit lost and stuck at this season/stage of my life. So the trip gave me an opportunity to break from the routine and pause to reflect on where I’m at with different aspects of my life, before I have to deal with my parents’ return which will bring quite much change to my current routines.

I took some time to think back what I’ve done so far this year (2025), and one significant difference that stood out to me compared to the previous two years (2023 24), is that I travelled less and settled more in Hong Kong this year. For the last two years I have been spending most of my time and energy on travelling for different reasons, and adjusting and recovering from all those travelling. Life felt less like a routine for me because of that. But this year, as I spent longer time in Hong Kong, I just can’t help but feel like I am “back to a routine life in HK” even though compared to the past when we worked at Meyer doing 10-7 every day, my schedule now is still less fixed and regular. The idea that this is how “routine” life feels like just scares me sometimes.

I guess deep down I am so against this “living a routine life” feeling because I feel like it somehow implies that that I’ll be stuck in this season of life for a while and learn to feel comfortable with my current life, while I also feel that there’s so much unfulfillment and dissatisfaction in it. If I am being honest, I have been feeling that way in many ways for awhile. Work wise I feel like my scope of work is losing focus and getting a bit repetitive again and at the same time with the trend of AI, everything feels uncertain. Relationship wise I’ve met some new and good friends this year, also gone through some ups and downs with Edison, but I can’t deny the loneliness and longing for a relationship with someone I can truly connect with deeply. Every time I think about that, I miss you so much and wonder if there’ll be a time when we meet again.

The truth is when I looked back on this year, I see myself making so much effort and progress in getting mentally better. I developed my exercise routine, I joined a care group, I had my first mission trip to Vietnam, I wrote my first song, I learnt to take the right measures whenever I have a mental breakdown episode. And every time I look back at these baby steps, I see how God has been leading me on a healing journey slowly step by step with his grace and patience. But if I am being completely honest and vulnerable, I still feel like I have been in a lonely waiting season for a long time. And sometimes when I see people moving towards or starting a new chapter in their lives, I wonder when God, or if he ever will, bless me with something significant enough that I would feel like “I am turning a new page” in life.

On the last morning of my bangkok trip when I had my devotional time, I poured out all these struggles and questions to God. Awhile after, I felt God responded me in my heart with some words. I like to share everything with you here, but this time I decided to keep the specifics private between me and God. Not because I don’t trust you, just because that it was too personal for me to just put it here. But to summarise it, I felt God’s comfort and his assurance that there is nothing he wants more than to bless me, through all different kinds of things in this life.

It’s an encouragement for me to continue to live out my life in ways that he has called me to, even when it feels like a waiting season. Seeing how I can live out more than I already have in a seemingly routine life, things like: go chase my passion like music, go out of my comfort zone at work, go love the people around me with the love that God has poured into me.

Sorry for the super long post, haha. I hope I didn’t bore you and it’s worth the read. I guess we all feel stuck at some point in life no matter what life stage we are at. But I feel that every time when we feel that way, it is also a good time to reflect on where our hearts are and adjust our posture and mindset when feeling lost.

Good night and miss you.