Me on the hill again

hello dear, how are you today? I miss you 🤍

It’s a long weekend (again), how are you spending it? I haven’t been sleeping very well for the last two nights. I am not sure why, but it seems like my anxiety symptoms were kicking in again that my brain keeps running even in the evening and I have trouble falling asleep. I tried calming myself by regulating my breaths but it didn’t really work. For both nights, I actually had to cry it out first because I fell asleep. I guess the crying helps release the tension inside me.

I actually planned few days ago to go on hiking today because I thought I could make good use of the long weekend for fulfilling one of my exercise - going on hiking once a month. But when I woke up this morning, I wasn’t sure if I should still go or just stay in bed and try to get more sleep. But in the end, I figured that I couldn’t really go back to sleep and exercising probably would help with my insomnia, so I convinced myself to get up and go.

I am glad that I did so, because as I went up hill and started sweating, I did feel less drowsy. I think my body is also a bit less tense after exercising.

I feel like aside from it being good for my physical health, I really cherish how I can use the time during a hike to reset myself mentally and draw close to God in the nature.

I don’t know if you’d agree, but I feel like recently, I’ve finally been making some progress like exercising, taking a step to join the Vietnam mission trip, I even started making soup at home with ingredients recommended by my chinese doctor (haha). The reason I’m doing all these is actually because I shared in this blog recently about how I feel God has called me to be “more” for him and this world. But I feel like as he did that, He also made me understand that to be something more for the others, I need to start with better preparing and equipping myself.

The truth is, despite doing all these, I still cry a lot these days, as if the depression and anxiety will never leave me. But at the same time, I am also starting to see perhaps the beginning to healing was never about stopping all the crying, but realising you can still live out a life worth living after all those tears.

When I was sitting at the peak of the mountain thinking about all these, I saw a pair of eagles soaring above me, it reminds me of these verses in the Bible: “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

A different outfit this time, red shorts :)

“Big Head” not so pretty selfie. Miss you and good night 🤍