Miss you

hanalauhoiman
1 day ago
2 min read

dear Andy, how are you today? I miss you extra today 🥺

I was in the office today and it happened that the TBS team was gonna have their end of year team lunch, so everyone in the team was in office. And as you know I don’t always go in the office, and so are the photographers like Harry and Jason, so it’s kinda rare that I see all of them in. And it reminds me even more of the old days when both of us were still in the team.

And when they were heading out for their team lunch, I ran into Siuham and Veron in the bathroom. And Siuham asked if I wanted to join their team lunch. I know she was half joking and also trying to be nice, so I also jokingly said no, cause I’m no longer part of the team. I don’t know why I reacted and got a bit defensive when she asked, I guess that’s just how I see myself at work deep down. I am not part of Meyer Labs anymore since I went back, even though I work very closely with IF team, and I also communicate quite often with CMI team, Jenny, Miley, and Siuham in TBS team. It’s not that I don’t like the bigger team, it’s just I’ve gone on this path of working independently, and I guess deep down, there’s still a part of me who can’t bear being in Meyer Labs without you. I kinda just want my last memories of the TBS team to be the precious ones when you were still there, just like how I’ve never been up to the studio ever again.

And then there’s also something odd that happened today. I was speaking with Miley and Siuham about something related to work in the open office space. We were discussing something and then Siuham suddenly asked me out of the blue if I started dating someone. Again I don’t know what’s going on with me today, but I just out right said no? immediately without hesitation. After that we laughed about how random and sudden that was, that was when I started to feel a bit awkward and wanted to leave the conversation.

I guess I was in quite a “guarded” mode the whole day today because there’re many people in the office, that’s why I was abit not myself today, and I just push down my feelings and put on a “higher energy” mask to handle these social situations. But deep down, I was actually quite drained and need time to cool down and digest my deeper feelings.

Miss you a lot. Miss you extra when I see these people around, and I also miss you extra when I was packing some samples today alone.

🫂