My first ever car viewing

hello dear, how are you? miss you.

Sorry that I didn’t write here yesterday because I was getting really nervous as I went to bed because of today’s car viewing with Edison, and I was trying to calm and reset myself so that I could go to sleep.

I honestly don’t know why I was so nervous/anxious. And because of that when we actually looked at the car this morning, I became so shy and didn’t know what to say/ask, and Edison ended up asking a lot of questions for me. I probably seemed a bit unfriendly because of that and I feel a bit bad about it.

The car is actually okay, it’s not in perfect or greatest condition, but also no big issues or red flags. But I feel this is also why I struggled to decide. As I calmed down a bit and digested my thoughts after the viewing, I told Edison over text that I feel like there isn’t anything that makes me not want this car, but there’s also nothing that makes me especially want this car. I said to him it’s the feeling side of me speaking out loud here but I just don’t have that intuitive feeling that this is “the one”. And he replied me: “that’s fine, you’re allowed to have that with cars”. I quite like his reply, especially when it comes out from him.

The longer I digest and sink in my thoughts about the whole viewing experience, I feel like my lukewarm behaviour actually came naturally, and it just shows that either I’m not too into the car, or I’m just not ready yet. I think one reason that I’m so nervous is definitely because it’s my first ever car viewing and deep down I’m just not confident because I don’t really know much about cars. And with Edison being there who is like an expert, I just feel even more shy and turbulent inside.

But I think Edison said it well that it’s good to see this one, then maybe I’ll be more ready when the right one comes up.

This is definitely sounding and feeling a lot like searching for the right romantic partner, and it might just be true. I guess it’s just it feels a bit awkward that I’m going through this process for my car with my ex crush, who is also single (that’s my guess).

But on the other side, I also didn’t forget that quite awhile back when I was wrestling about if I should buy my own car, I made up my mind that I’ll be at peace trusting that God holds the best timing for all the good things He wants to give me in life - whether it’s the car, a relationship, or any other desires I’ve been praying about. So I guess I’ll just wait till I find “the one” :)

Photos of me in the office yesterday:

Here is a photo Edison took secretly, the car in front is Edison’s, and the one behind is the car we viewed.