Period girl

hello, my dear. How have you been? I miss you.

Sorry that I didn’t write here in the last few days - I have been mentally adjusting myself to be back to work, and I was having some PMS symptoms too, so I just needed the space to recover both mentally and physically. But I didn’t stop thinking about you.

Earlier today, I decided to share with my chinese doctor about my last anxiety attack in the MTR over messages. I told him that sometimes, I just feel frustrated that I can’t even do something as simple and easy as riding the MTR.

I eventually shared a little bit more about my mental situations too. Like how I feel anxiety and depression is a spectrum for me. When I am in an anxious state, my heartbeat races and I can’t sleep at night because of all the racing thoughts in my mind. When I am in a depressed stare, my whole body and mind just shut down, as if I am totally disconnected to the world, I feel very tired all the time and whenever I regain a bit energy, I start tearing up uncontrollably. And I am constantly jumping from one exteme to the other, one day I am very anxious, the other day I am depressed. And I can’t seem to find the balance in between.

I told him I know it might also be that I always have so much that I want to take care of: my parents, my brother and his gf, work, relationships etc. And sometimes, I forgot when my mental state starts to get worse and unstable, it’s actually an indication that I need to give myself the space to rest and use some of those love and energy to take care of myself too, before I take care of others.

I feel slightly better talking these out with him. I think I quite like chatting with him about some deeper and more private stuff occasionally, because he always replies me in a way that makes me feel heard and understood, and at the same time tries to help me see things in a different way.

I guess it’s very rare for me to find someone who can make this connection with me. The only other person would be you, except with you, I probably feel 5 times more connected and 200 times more comfortable, my dear Andy.

It’s the weekend again and I hope my mental state will become a bit better after my period in the next few days.

Love you and miss you. Good night.

Sorry, I only have an ugly photo of myself lying on bed tonight.